The Fear of Surrender Read online

  He’d been clumsy at first, but they’d been more than happy to coach him. The extra dough had made a big difference. There had been better food, cleaner, nicer clothes and trolley rides to help search for a respectable job. He had also been able to easily pay his share of the rent, even getting a room with only one other boy—something most of the others couldn’t afford. It had been important to him. He didn’t like being around a lot of people. As ashamed as he was over what he’d done, he’d never taken the next step by giving his body to another man for money. Only pleasure.

  I wish I could go back to Hampton Road.

  “Linus? Are you okay? You look sad.”

  He glanced up at Sam from where he was seated on the edge of one of the beds. “Oh, I…”

  Linus had never shared all he’d done with Francesco and Sam, even if Francesco was rather free regarding his own exploits on the streets. It wasn’t easy for Linus to talk with others about personal things. His parents had been very loving in their own way, but unnecessary emotional outbursts had been frowned upon. Whenever he’d asked a lot of questions about how life worked, he’d been told to hush. Once he’d had the chance to reflect on it after he’d moved out on his own, he supposed asking things such as ‘why don’t boys marry other boys?’ might have had something to do with it.

  Sam still looked at him inquisitively, so he stammered out the first thing that came to mind. “I-I hope Kenneth stays away from that awful place from now on.”

  Francesco propped up on his elbows. “You don’t mean Hampton Road, do you?”

  I’m such a dolt.

  It had been an unthinking remark. “I…I’m sorry. I just…”

  “Don’t worry, Linus.” Sam walked over then sat next to him on the bed. He draped an arm loosely over his shoulders. “I know you had that one bad thing happen to you. But you should remember that it’s Preston, not the club, that’s rotten. Didn’t the fellow who brought you to the club the first time treat you nice either?”

  “Oh, no. Ned was very nice. He was the one who thought I might like to learn more about, um…” He lowered his head, heat rising up his neck and into his cheeks again.

  “I understand. I didn’t know all about that kinda stuff either until Aaron showed me. But you said you thought Thomas was a real sheik. You musta liked whatever it was he did to you.”

  Francesco piped in. “Yeah, he’s a looker all right. I saw you go to a room with him a couple times. Didn’t he cotton to you well enough to ask you again? Is that how you ended up with that big galoot Preston?”

  His face was so hot, Linus thought he might break out into a sweat. He’d never told anyone, not even Thomas, about how significant his last time with Thomas had been to him. If only Preston hadn’t ruined things…

  If only I hadn’t been acting like a child by going with Preston when I saw Thomas with that other boy.

  “I don’t know.” He couldn’t meet either of his friends’ eyes. “Thomas was busy that night and Preston asked me, so I um…”

  He frowned. The first time with Preston hadn’t been too bad. He’d been a little rougher than Linus would have liked, but he’d been so flattering toward him. Linus had been lulled into going along with things, even allowing Kenneth to touch him too. On the next couple of occasions he’d agreed to be with Preston and Kenneth hadn’t been because he necessarily wanted to—even if he’d liked Kenneth a lot—but because he’d thought it might make Thomas jealous. Instead, it had only seemed to alienate him. Because of his rash and stupid behavior, he’d put himself in the position to be manhandled by Preston to the point where he could’ve been raped if Kenneth hadn’t stepped in by essentially taking Linus’ place.

  And here he was, waiting for Thomas to bring Kenneth to live with him at Sam and Aaron’s guesthouse. Would Thomas want to see him again, or was Thomas disgusted by the fact that he’d gone with Preston, that he’d given himself to another man? But Thomas had gone with someone else too. That was the problem. Linus had no idea how men made the decision to stay with only one other fellow. So far, he’d only been with men who’d wanted to pay for him. Then after he’d been introduced to the club, he’d seen plenty of men go with different lovers. However, there was Sam and Francesco. They belonged exclusively to their lovers, their Masters.

  What would that be like?

  Headlights shone through the windows and Sam jumped up.

  “They’re here!”

  Chapter Two

  Thomas pulled into the long dirt driveway of Aaron and Sam’s property. His vehicle rocked and jerked over the deep ruts that likely had been carved there after a recent storm that had gone on for days, flooding some of the canyons above Altadena. The two-story home that belonged to his friends was positioned on one side of the front with the nursery taking up the other. The driveway extended to the back of the large tract of land where there was a greenhouse for seedlings and plantings that weren’t for sale yet. That was also the location of the small single-level guesthouse where Linus and the other boys would be waiting. Thomas gripped the wheel tighter. He couldn’t help but be nervous over seeing Linus for the first time since the night he’d let him go with Preston.

  It wasn’t as if I had any right to interfere.

  He’d left the ballroom where Preston had been doing a demonstration with Kenneth. All that had been on his mind the entire time he’d sat there had been getting Linus alone with him again. He’d overheard Saul and Aaron whispering about meeting in the smoking room and Thomas’ curiosity had been piqued. But he’d been much more interested in seeking out Linus’ company.

  Once he’d left the performance, he’d headed to the stairs that would’ve taken him to the third floor and the submissives’ den. That was when he’d spied Linus slipping into one of the playrooms. His gut clenched as he remembered it. There was no way for him to have known that Linus was putting himself in harm’s way at the time. Still, he wished he could go back in time and do the one thing they were never supposed to do at the club—knock on the door of another man’s reserved room and coax Linus to go with him instead.

  After we get the rules established, hopefully men like Preston won’t be an issue.

  How he wished he’d laid claim to Linus the way he’d considered doing. The idea of tying himself to one man again—even on a trial basis—hadn’t seemed like something he was ready for yet, even if Linus had sparked the notion. Instead, he’d done what he always had and helped himself to whichever boy caught his eye. Unfortunately, the first one he’d taken to a room hadn’t been able to erase the mark Linus had unknowingly left on his heart. And after what had happened to the shy young man Thomas had begun to fall for, Linus would likely never want to go near the club or another Master ever again.

  He reached the end of the driveway then switched off the engine. As soon as he shut off the lights, he saw at least two of the young men he’d been sent to retrieve with their faces pressed against the window. Linus wasn’t one of them. It appeared he would have to employ whatever techniques of convincing he might possess in order to persuade Linus to come to Hampton Road.

  After exiting the convertible, he strolled up to the front door of the small cottage. It was important that he appear unhurried, unconcerned. There was no way of knowing how agitated Linus already was from the entire scheme involving Preston. It wouldn’t do for him to add to any stress Linus might be holding inside.

  Before he’d had a chance to reach the porch, the door flung open with Sam and Francesco bounding out. They spoke on top of each other.

  “Where’s Kenneth?”

  “Why isn’t Kenneth here?”

  “What happened?”

  “Did Preston get him?”

  Thomas placed two fingers in his mouth then let out a loud whistle. They silenced instantly.

  “Thank you. That’s better. Let’s go inside then I’ll explain everything.”

  “But what about—?”

  Thomas’ glare stopped Francesco from going any further. “Do I need to h
ave a word with Theodore?”

  Francesco cleared his throat. “Of course not. Why don’t we go inside where you can explain everything?”

  He gave Thomas a winning smile that didn’t fool him for a moment. Thomas liked Francesco’s enthusiasm and he’d seen the boy and Theo give some amazing demonstrations, but a submissive like him would wear Thomas out. If he ever settled down someday, he’d prefer someone more even-tempered and calm.

  Like Linus.

  He groaned, the whole night beginning to wear on his nerves. Following the excited young men, Thomas took some deep breaths—preparing himself to speak to them all in a steady, soothing way. As soon as he entered the home, he noted that Linus wasn’t in the main area. There was only the front room with an attached kitchen, a bathroom then the single bedroom beyond where he stood. He didn’t bother to remove his driving cap—he didn’t plan on staying—but he’d already determined not to leave without Linus.

  “Could you please call Linus into the room so I can fill you all in at the same time?”

  “Sure.”

  Sam exited and Thomas observed as Francesco bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

  A handful all right.

  Sam re-entered the living area, holding onto Linus’ hand as the shy boy trailed behind him. He resisted the urge to frown—he was concerned it could be misinterpreted by the reticent young man. He mentally kicked himself again for not following through on his initial instinct to claim Linus. It would have saved both of them so much grief. Jet-black hair with bright blue eyes had stunned him from the first time Thomas had spied Linus at the club. His perfectly soft pale skin—a startling contrast to the color of his hair—had pinked beautifully when Thomas had spanked him. And there had been such a natural connection between them both. Why hadn’t he simply followed through?

  Thomas rubbed his eyes and groaned. He needed to get a hold of himself. When he lowered his hands, he caught Linus staring at him before he quickly averted his gaze. His cheeks reddened.

  Does he still have an affection for me?

  If there was a small chance that Linus might give him the opportunity for them to be together again, it wasn’t the right moment to uncover the possibility. But Thomas filed the idea away for later.

  “There’s nothing to worry about. Things went very well. Preston is gone—never coming back, I might add—and Kenneth will be staying with Saul from now on.”

  “Kenneth is okay?” Linus’ small voice betrayed his nervousness, but he didn’t look away.

  Thomas gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile. “Yes, he’s fine. But since he’s not going to be coming back here and Saul has to handle some business at the club before he takes Kenneth home with him, we need all of you to help.”

  “How can we help?”

  Francesco appeared excited over the possibility. He was grinning and bouncing even more enthusiastically on the balls of his feet. Sam still clutched Linus’ hand as he exchanged glances with him.

  “We would like for you all to come with me to Hampton Road and keep Kenneth company for a while until he can go with Saul. As you can imagine, this has all been very upsetting and it would be nice for him to have some friends so that he’s not alone while he waits.”

  “Then what are we all standing here for? Let’s go!” Francesco turned to his friends right as Linus pulled away from Sam, his eyes widened in apparent panic. “Oh. Well, we can go and Linus can stay here. Right?”

  Frustration filled Thomas at Francesco’s words, in particular because Linus had visibly calmed because of them. His shoulders had relaxed and he’d let loose a sigh, as if in relief.

  “Sam and Francesco, would you wait in the car please? I’ll be there shortly.”

  For once, Francesco quietly did as he was told and they both left the house. Left him alone with Linus. Linus bowed his head and clasped his hands in front of him. Thomas was disappointed that his tension had reappeared. He didn’t have time to be coy with Linus, so he dove right in.

  “Are you still afraid of going to Hampton Road?”

  Linus shrugged. His response reminded Thomas of how he’d planned to work with Linus on expressing himself better before Preston had entered the picture.

  “Words please.”

  Linus jerked his chin up, a hint of defiance in his gaze.

  Good.

  “I don’t see why I have to go back there. I, um, I already told Masters Aaron and Saul I wouldn’t return.” He visibly swallowed. “Even if Preston isn’t there anymore, it’s not as if there’s a reason to go back.” His cheeks reddened and he lowered his head again.

  “Yes there is. Right now, Kenneth is your reason.” Thomas sucked in a breath. “Perhaps another time you’ll have a different one.”

  Linus darted his eyes around the room and worried his hands. At last, he peered up at Thomas. “Is Kenneth very upset?”

  Thomas couldn’t lie, even if wanted to convince Linus to go more than anything. He held the hope inside that if Linus returned, it might break the fear that being at the club had instilled in him.

  “I honestly didn’t see him, Linus. I’m going by what Aaron told me, and I’ve always known him to be a truthful man. But if I were to make a wager, I think it would mean a lot to Kenneth to know that you’re all right too. He asked about you.”

  “He did?” Linus’ eyes rounded and Thomas knew he’d found the one thing that could reach Linus.

  “Yes, he did.” Thomas kept his voice soft. “Would you please come with us for Kenneth’s sake?” He took another deep breath. He had to let out the emotions that had plagued him ever since he’d learned of Linus’ abuse. “Please forgive me, Linus. I feel as if I let you down—that I should have protected you from…from that despicable cur.”

  Linus blushed furiously and Thomas wished they were in different circumstances right then, that he could uncover the truth of what was going on inside the young man. He seemed to get control of himself enough to meet Thomas’ gaze again.

  “It’s not your fault, Sir. I shouldn’t have gone with him. I only did it, um, because…” Linus shook his head, frowning. “Anyway, I don’t blame you, Sir.”

  Because why?

  Thomas wouldn’t press him. He sensed that he’d made progress with the young man, so he didn’t want to scare him off. There still might be a chance for them.

  “That’s very kind of you Linus. But I want you to understand that what happened to you wasn’t your fault either. You were the victim and he had no right. Don’t ever blame yourself for another person’s wrongs.” Thomas took a breath to calm himself. “Will you come with us now though? Just for this one night? I promise to watch out for you while you’re there. I won’t let anyone near the room where you’ll be visiting with Kenneth.”

  Linus nodded then seemed to remember. “Okay. I’ll go.”

  Thomas wanted to shout with joy. He surprised himself with how much Linus’ agreement had mattered.

  “Thank you very much, Linus. I know it’ll make Kenneth happy.” Despite the ache to do so, Thomas didn’t dare touch him. He stepped to the side then gestured to the door. “Shall we?”

  Linus regarded him with his deep-blue eyes that a man could drown in. Not reaching out for him was near impossible, but Thomas kept himself in check.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  The way Linus said it, the way his words went to his core, told Thomas all that he needed to know. He wanted Linus more than he’d ever wanted a man before and he would do whatever he could to win him over.

  * * * *

  It had been a huge relief to see Kenneth at the club, to know that he really was okay and was free from Preston Cornwall for good. Linus smiled to himself, remembering how sweet it had been when Saul and Kenneth were reunited at the end of the night. There had been gentle touches and softly spoken words. It was clear that Saul cared deeply for Kenneth and Linus had never seen his friend look so happy.

  Musing over how being back at the club had made him feel, he was rather
surprised that it hadn’t been more upsetting. If he was being truthful with himself, he would have to admit it was because of Thomas. The Master had stayed by him the entire time and had led all of them up the back stairs so that Linus wasn’t confronted by anyone else, nor did he have to face seeing the main area. It only added to his inner battle as to whether the club was so bad after all.

  He glanced sideways at Thomas, who was driving silently next to him. They were on their way back to Aaron and Sam’s. Francesco had left with Theodore, and Sam had stayed behind with Aaron. It had been left to Thomas to bring Linus to the guesthouse. He was uncertain whether Thomas was glad to do it or if it was a burden. Thomas had been very nice to him all evening, but he couldn’t tell if it was merely that Thomas was a good man, or if he still had a fondness for him.

  Earlier, as they’d drawn closer to the club, Linus’ fear had come to the forefront again. He’d sat in the front, the same as he was at the moment—the other boys taking the back seat when he’d been inside speaking to Thomas. He’d gripped the side of the vehicle with one hand, the other clenched in a fist at his side. His breathing had sped up, and he’d been about to ask Thomas if they could turn around, when he’d spoken.

  “I’m going to be there for you every step of the way, Linus. I won’t let anyone harm you. Just remember how happy Kenneth will be to see you, how much he needs you right now.”

  He’d wanted Thomas to take his hand, to reassure him with his touch, but Thomas had kept his hands to himself. He wondered what it meant. Did he no longer wish to touch him? Or was Thomas worried that Linus might push him away, that he’d gone with Preston because he didn’t like him anymore. He frowned. The whole world of men confused him. There was so much he didn’t understand and he didn’t want to do the wrong thing.